• As far back as I can remember, my introduction to using substances for recreational purposes coincided with my exploration of personal curiosity during my adolescent years. However, these behaviors soon evolved into an internal burden that complicated my life as a high school student. During this formative period, I spent time learning and striving for proficiency in various subjects at school, alongside my regular weekend piano classes. This routine eventually became ingrained, replacing my usual lifestyle.
• My perception shifted from “using substances as a social occasion” to “hiding and using them alone.” While both scenarios provided a sense of familiarity and cognitive breakthroughs, they contradicted each other. Weekends often involved hanging out with friends at nightclubs to gain acceptance in a social group. However, using substances alone proved to be less fulfilling over time, diminishing my intentions due to the fleeting allure of the ‘high’ and ‘contagious thoughts.’ I lost control over my cognitive processes, which ultimately led to a diminished sense of self-worth and a growing sense of redundancy and irresponsibility regarding everyday tasks.
• Almost all the knowledge I gained during middle and high school was compressed into unusual, abstract, and unreliable forms that were far removed from practicality. This was due to my obsession with self-education combined with substance abuse, which became part of my usual habits. The inconceivable amount of information I attempted to cram into my memory in such a short time led me into major depression and anxiety.
• I found myself partaking in social media, even though I needed to prioritize studying and revising. Distractions started to permeate my thought patterns, leading to a reduction in my overall attention span. The idea of living in the present moment slipped away, gradually transforming into a form of escapism that I often described as addiction, which allowed me to prioritize immediate gratification over future responsibilities. As my tolerance increased, I frequently felt the urge to consume more—not just the substances themselves, but also through social media platforms and entertainment websites that catered to my daily moods.
• The speed at which I consume information online outpaces my capacity to critically engage with the content I choose to explore. Rather than gaining nuance, I succumbed to a trap of narrow-mindedness and was inundated with extreme emotional reactions. The lack of intentionality in my approach left me disoriented, facing workloads that needed to be completed within specific timeframes.
• Unbeknownst to me, these routine activities, which relied on concrete actions, could trigger behavioral addiction. Ruminating thoughts turned anxiety into a short circuit in my neural pathways. Over time, I became increasingly depressed, struggling to organize my distorted thoughts, leading to a point where emotional pain seemed easier to endure than changing these patterns.
• I delved into a maze of information, taking a considerable amount of time to recognize and accept the impact of long-term substance abuse on my condition. The absence of clear boundaries between work and play trapped me in an endless cycle of inefficiency and disorganization due to chronic substance use.
• Sometimes we can view substances as tools to reconfigure the brain, but personal growth practices are necessary to repair the damage. Activities like meditation, exercise, and maintaining positive routines are essential to cope with suffering. Social media contributes significantly to the problem, with repetitive scrolling and an overwhelming urge to be heard resulting in a constant need to produce shout-out content.
• If pain can be defined as suffering, enduring it could either signify progress toward a better lifestyle or an opportunity to mitigate problems. It became essential to develop new, healthy habits to escape old behavioral loops. Establishing a code of conduct rooted in moral intuition is crucial.
• In this context, rebellion signifies the egotistical acts of a closed mind, resisting diverse ideological perspectives, hindering personal growth. We can refine and repeat our efforts to adopt more constructive lifestyles. Regular patterns of substance use pull my mental state into contradiction, causing me to over-question the nature of various realities. Such behavior has led to psychological turmoil and redundancy in my development during my early teenage years.